Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Etsy Shop and other Scary Things


This is the banner for my Etsy shop
Calling the shop CraftivityDisorder. It will go live as soon as I put together a few things to list. It took the better part of five hours to get it this far but I'll consider it a win for now.

At first, it seemed like setting up the shop was another mental masochistic move because, I don't have enough things to occupy my energy and brain space, right? But I've wanted to do it for years and never had the courage. There are still so many things in life I allow to corner me into a paralyzed ball of panic... if I pick one to fight it's possible to keep moving forward.

It's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

Back in the day, writers block pretty much meant not having inspiration for a few days. Lately, it means so many things stuck in here, I can't sort out enough to pick a topic or attempt sentence construction... for weeks on end. Frustration doesn't seem a strong enough word to describe this feeling.

There are lots of topics to choose from but once I grab hold of one, the words do a spinny, twisty, catch me if you can thing and I end up having a mental flail.

Have you seen this? It's mesmerizing in a way hard to describe. It's also where my mind goes when I'm trying to write anything serious or heartfelt... bizarre, surprisingly well coordinated dance of pointlessness.

Lost you yet?

Still making progress on the Resolutions, though a few are continuing processes and one depends on Charlie's ability to help. Perhaps it would help to revise them on a quarterly basis and add new ones here and there...

- move (yes, it's a problem)
- breathe (also a problem but not because of lingering smoking effects)
- keep exercising my shoulders. what I've done entirely on my own is working.
- look at myself through eyes of grace.
- rest
- play (totally slacking in this area)
- write
- begin attending open mic night each Tuesday
- get the boys to more young ASD meetings and generally teach them to socialize
- sell whatever, do whatever is necessary to have the necessary exams to find out of my euterus is trying to kill me.
- hide less
- forget about finding a church and develop relationships with people outside any specific building.
- make something, ridiculous, extrodinary or beautiful from found junk at least once a month.
- learn welding.
- finish weaning myself off SSRI's. 3 steps over the course of 6 months to go.

There are several Scary Things going on right now... and not all of them are in my head. The sooner I commit them to print, the sooner I'll have head space for coherent writing and creative making things pursuits... and raising money to keep our home.

Ideally, by the end of the month, I'll be able to settle enough to write about our trip to Texas, Momma's funeral, meeting a friend and spending time with my brother Ben and his awesome family. Maybe I'll manage to find the funny again and, if nothing else, poke a little fun at the weirdness of life.

For now, this will have to be another bookmark of a post to let you know there's nothing to see here but I'm not dead.

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