Thursday, April 7, 2011

Q and A pt 2.

I'm going to assume that the alters that Tara had are kind of generic alters that most multiples have. Did you have an equivalent of Buck, Shoshana, etc? I'm assuming that "Chicken" is like Amelia/Roo.

That was one of the things that initially irritated me about the show. The alters are all extreme examples of 'categories' and the wardrobe change for each switch annoyed me to no end. But then I remembered that early on, I changed my entire wardrobe to consist of jeans/khakis and t-shirts/polos to prevent everyone having their own set of clothes.

Stephanie is a protector. On the show, that's Buck. Someone to manage and feel the anger, hatred and don't you dare fuck with me stuff.

No Shoshana, though I can't quite figure out a 'role' for her. The only ones primarily functioning in logic almost never stepped outside of me to share it.

and yes, Chicken is a little.

I still need to add basic 'categories' to the glossary on The Crew. Add that to the to-do list.

Max reminded me a lot of Charlie. I hope that is a fair comparison. I immediately loved Max.
Minus Max's infidelity (or Tara's for that matter) I love Max. He is Tara's Charlie. When you get to the last scene of season 2, you'll cry. It's almost an exact recreation of a conversation Charlie and I had early on.

Did any of your alters get into fights/dislike any of your family members? Kate and T get into a physical altercation the one time. Buck consistently makes homophobic remarks towards Marshall. Did any of your alters act like that towards Charlie or any of the kids? Did any of your alters have the hots for your husband? (Like Alice/T/Shoshana did with Max?) Likewise, did any of your kids dislike any of your alters the way that Kate disliked Alice?
Reese and Krys had a few disagreements but nothing violent. Stephanie took no shit from my kids but never raised a hand to them. After we got past the whole "These rugrats are NOT my family" thing, Stephanie pretty much lived as protector to them as well. She once reamed a school psychologist for trying to stick Daniel in a box labeled learning disabled.... and she did it in front of 5 other people.

I had no one like T. No hyper sexual alters... okay, not strictly true... One part (not around long enough to have a name) did try to seduce Charlie... and Pastor R and Doctor C but never got anywhere. Eventually, she understood sex wasn't affection, it wasn't a tool and my husband is so completely faithful he wouldn't even TOUCH another part of me in a sexual way. To him, it would have been cheating.

The kids didn't all like everyone in The Crew but it was mostly Stephanie that pissed people off. She wouldn't take crap form the kids. Stuff they got away with when I was out never flew with her and she had no problem calling them on attempts to play with Mom's head.

How did you explain the whole having DID thing to your kids? I was struck by how immediately the kids/Max were able to recognize the alters and sort of not react. Is that accurate?
The first part of this question will have to wait. It was answered in the original blog.
Yes, the family got to know several of The Crew well enough to know just by the look on my face. It was only Reese, Stephanie, Amelia and Suzie who built relationships with any one on the family besides Charlie... but the kids knew them and knew them well. They did learn not to react to switching. It was what it was and they went with it.

What sorts of things trigger a transition? How often did they happen? Did you ever have family meetings like the Gregsons did to sort of catch up on what you did?
Family meetings, yes... for awhile until I began to share more awareness with them.
Triggers could be anything. Tara does it pretty accurately in that switches are usually triggered by an event or emotion that is too overwhelming to handle alone. Switching happened more times a day than I can count sometimes. There were times someone would be out for days and other times when I didn't switch at all. The only times I went for a long period without switching was because the girls were all hiding in reaction to thinking if they 'went away' my life would somehow be easier.

As we learned to work together, switching leveled off to a few times a day. We tried for a long time to make sure everyone had whatever time they needed.

I loved, "Then Buck came out and...I kicked some ass?" hahaha
In my case, with Stephanie, it was usually "Oh shit. What did she do now?"

Did you have co-consciousness? Was it as if you were out of body, watching one of the others do something? Are two alters ever able to talk to each other and be "out" at the same time?
Yes, yes and yes. Stay tuned for answers and examples to be posted in the other blog.

Is it possible for one alter to be "called" out? Like, if Reese was out and you got a phone call, would she come get you?
Yes. It took practice and at first I hated it. I felt like a freak in a sideshow. I hate, hate, HATED switching in front of anyone not family.

as an aside, when John was 5, we found out that whenever he didn't like my answer to something, he'd call out Amelia and the two would do whatever they wanted until I caught up.

If you had a meeting or something to go to, were the alters aware that the body belonged to you and that people expected you? Tara's alters refused to respond to the name Tara.
Yes, later on. Early on, heck no. There were a few people to whom Stephanie and Reese would refuse to answer to Marisa.

I found out a few years ago that my best childhood friend knew Reese and Stephanie both. That was incredibly freaky to find out long after the fact.

It took the first 2 years to convince everyone it was better to work together than not... but for most multiples, I'd wager that most alters go by the body's name when necessary. Part of the point of multiplicity is to keep the memories and the existence of others a well guarded secret. If they all run around identifying themselves, that can't happen.

I guess sort of piggy-backing on that, did your kids' friends know about your DID? If they were over, and one of them called you Mrs. Feathers while Reese or someone was out, would she pretend to be you or insist on being called Reese?
Some of the kid's friends knew. Most of them didn't. It was such a normal part of our family life that Daniel's kindergarten Mother's Day card to me included a mention of the littles.

We did try to get the kids to not make it public. These days, I don't mind who knows.

Were your alters noticeable to others? If a friend of Krys was over and Reese was out talking to Charlie, would they be able to realize it wasn't you?
It depended on how well the friend knew the family. Our next door neighbor when we first moved into the old house figured it out pretty quickly. I ended up having to explain it to her.

Hope that helps and no, I do not think you're being nosy. :P


  1. OMG, it's like you explained our whole life! (we wish we would have met you sooner...thank god for Twitter!)

    The out of body experience; The facial changes ("you look different today""you have death in your eyes today")

    The Jeans can tell just by a shift in our eyes...we have an aura and what has been termed "expressive eyes" by many.

    We still wonder if there is more of us, and I wonder if I am just assimilating all of them to Bitch, just to make it easier to understand...

    How did you figure out how to separate them? Did a doctor help?

    We just have so many many...

    Did some of them exist together? For example Bitch and I seem to be together most of the time but then there are clearly times when it's just me, and there are clearly time when it is just her...or not ME...and then there were times when it wasn't me at all, like we've written about; and it was The Other Girl and Bitch....

    Does this make sense??

    Do you think it would be helpful for me/us to try to separate out and figure out who's "in there".

    We feel like screaming in excitement from meeting you; especially now that I'm better about it.

    Anything you can share from your experience, prior to the recovery would be great; we want to understand our self better....finally.

    Thank you Thank you Thank you!!

    Much <3!!!

  2. Looks like you're going to have a lot of good questions to answer for a while, Marisa. ;)

    I'm glad people are willing to ask them of you.


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