Wednesday, March 30, 2011


I see an influx of writing, the likes of which haven't been done on 4 years, on the horizon. Be warned. :P

Thought it would be a good idea to answer some questions raised in the previous entry's comments.

Black Rose said...
Marisa, am I correct that this was the doc that when you came back to yourself in the fetal position on his floor, he told you to (paraphrasing your paraphrasing here to the best of my memory) suck it up, or to quit playing games and "pretending" to be a little kid?

The doctor I was seeing in late 1994 was the first treatment I'd tried since moving to South Carolina in 1991. I saw Larry (an intern working with a psychiatrist) from 1990-1991. This doctor was between Larry (the one who told me no more) and the doctor who eventually led me to Crane and Lyn.

Jarred said...
Black Rose actually brought up something else I'm wondering. Right now we're reading entries from 1994. What was your relationship with The Crew at this point. Were you aware of them yet? Had you accepted their existence?

My relationship with The Crew at this time was non-existent. The event Rose brought up was the day The Wall (later known as Levia) came up to completely separate me from them. There were moment when there was some cross-over... but I'd taken Larry's words to heart and decided the whole "inner child" thing was nothing but more trouble... I think I'd even convinced myself it was probably more of a spiritual issue... and being one few accepted as real, that was all the more reason to ignore it entirely.
When the wall went up, I did my best to forget them for the next 7 years. These 6 posts were written at almost the middle point between the day I split again to create The Wall and the day she stepped aside and allowed the others the chance to speak.


  1. Your disclaimer thing says that your family had nothing to do with your abuse, right? Weren't you adopted? Could you tell us about the events surrounding that?

    So, where did the abuse come from? Who did it? Will we eventually see writing that lead to your DID? I guess I just need to tune in; maybe you will answer these questions. I guess I'm asking what caused your DID, so to speak.

    Also, is your family (siblings, parents, kids as well) able to read this blog? Do they already know all about it?

  2. I'll go ahead and answer these questions here...
    Yes, I was adopted. My adoptive family had the very best of intentions but were not equipped for a child who presented the challenges I did. Adoption can bring its own problems, no matter how much the child is loved.

    As to where and when the abuse happened and what caused the DID, that will be explained as the original writing gets posted.

    My daughters read my blogs. My sons are too busy being teenagers to be interested. My mum, dad, siblings and much of my extended family are aware of the diagnosis. While it was difficult for them to grasp initially, the more they learned of DID the more they realized it was the only thing that truly made sense.

    While I don't hide my blog from family and I know my brothers and sisters check in from time to time, I don't specifically ask them to read. For me, reexamining the past can be helpful but I'd rather not see it open old wounds for others unless it can lead to healing and peace for them too. I leave the choice to them.

  3. @Marisa: Thanks for indulging our questions. And reading this post and your responses to Anonymous made me realize that I'm going to have to work very hard not to be the annoying "family member" who keeps rushing you by saying things like "Oh oh! Tell about the time that...."


Your thoughts go here.