Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Yeah, so nothing has changed in the last year or so except that S***** is now parroting more and more of her husband's moronic conclusions.

Example... last year, I stated God is big enough that He doesn't need me to defend Him. (ie... be a bigot and bully on someone else's social networking page because a stranger to them states they do not believe in Him.) That's not the same as saying I don't have a responsibility to spread the Gospel. But MY call involves less scripture quoting and more way of life living. The way I see it, quoting scripture to someone who does not accept or believe its validity is like speaking old world French to a Mexican peasant. They might pick up on a few similar words, but over all, you're not going to get your message across. So don't speak. Show. Live. Do. Whenever possible, SHUT UP.

So yeah... here's the last part of the message exchange from last night.

Marisa, M*** did not contact you, I did with M***s blessing. The reason I did this was to make peace with you. The Bible tells us to be at peace with all men. So I simply was doing what God had lead me to do. I was not even making an attempt to restart our friendship, just peace. We both believe that season has passed. I simply want us to be cordial when we are in the same room with each other. God has each of us on this earth to worship Him and spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm sorry your views on God not needing our help is what separates us, but that's between you and God. We are praying for you. Love in Christ, S*****
P.S. I will not contact you again since we understand how you feel. 

My Response:

Our views on God not needing our help are not what separates us. M*** is what separates us. Until he learns to be responsible for himself, false apologies are wasted. Keep your apologies between you and God. Neither of you have learned how to be honest. I'm glad you agree we have no need to be in each other's lives. But DO NOT expect me to be false and pretend for others to see.
Thank you for the offer to not contact us again. M*** burned the bridge, I swept up the ashes. Let the dead bury their own dead.

Yeah, I went ahead and blocked her. Childish or no, I will have the last word in their untimely, self-righteous, make themselves feel better game. They (figuratively) came, uninvited, to my door and tried to manipulate their way to an open door. I see no reason to even give them the chance to get a foot in the door.

I had come to accept and admit that I am still angry well before this latest load of crap showed up in my inbox today. I also realized my assumption last night was wrong. They're house sitting for Apostle B while he's out of state visiting another son. They want to go to ACF (instead of drive 30 min to their current church) without having to deal with their own crap. *snerk* or, as has historically been the case, he screwed up Apostle's computer and knows he can't just call Charlie to fix it.

Yes, I'm angry. Still. I know I have to deal with that... but also know that's between me and God. They aren't a part of it at all. I also know I did the right thing in *gasps* rejecting their request. He's a bully. I know now he has no problems continuing to be a bully and he's teaching his wife to follow along. The lingering questions about doing the right thing are gone.

God does tell us AS FAR AS IS POSSIBLE to live at peace with one another (a detail they conveniently left out). It is possible for me to do this by not acknowledging their existence. I know I don't have it in me to let them off the hook. I know I may never reach a place of grasping the minor details involved in loving unconditionally, forgiving as I've been forgiven and still holding my brothers and sisters in Christ accountable for their actions. I'm too honest to BS for their comfort. And like it or not, I will always more easily forgive people who don't share my beliefs because they shouldn't be held to a higher standard than people (who often) act as if salvation somehow makes them superior. We're not called to correct ANYONE else but our fellows in Jesus... and that's supposed to be done in love... not by consigning them to hell for not defending your childish behavior. M*** didn't blow up because I didn't defend God. M*** blew up because I betrayed him by not defending M***. He needs to learn the difference and swallow that massive OMG I'm the shiznit for God pride of his.

I've got a long way to go to find my own peace in this. It's bad enough I still habitually dissociate such things and stuff them in the darkest corner of my mental attic. I don't have the energy to offer them a peace I don't have. If I don't have it, I can't offer it.

And yes, I really do wish I could unleash Stephanie on them. It would make this oh so much easier... until I had to deal with the result. It's when I'm most deeply hurt or this incredibly angry that I miss The Crew the most. It would be an instant emotionally gratifying moment to consider What Would Stephanie Do rather than what my Savior would do.... and would probably inject a measure of humor I can't quite find just yet.

I'll get there. Soon, I hope. I think I'm on too many journeys at once.


  1. FYI- You didn't edit M's name in your response.

    Now, is this STILL fall out from Kapil's (and somewhat my) commentary on your facebook page MONTHS ago?? Holy cow, way to not let go of things!

    Feel free to delete this comment once you read it. ;)

  2. I don't believe that forgiving/being at peace/accepting the situation/whateverelseyouwanttocallit means you no longer feel anger. There can be anger without bitterness.

    You can truly "deal with" something and put it away, knowing that getting it out again may cause you to feel anger and/or bitterness. But that's why we have the ability and the right to put those things away after we have dealt with them. If every time you have a drink you fly into a rage and hurt someone, then don't drink at all. If every time you think about a person or situation you get worked up, don't think about them at all. It's okay to avoid situations that might result in unacceptable or sinful behavior. That doesn't mean you're not dealing with it; it means you are wise enough to know your limits.

  3. yup... still fallout on M's moment of colossal assholery. no deletion necessary... but i will fix my error.

  4. Thank you Kate. I needed that perspective.

  5. *hug* Go you. And wow. Just wow.

  6. "Whenever possible, SHUT UP."

    That, Mrs Feathers, is a brilliant piece of peace, which I personally have found most useful.

    And to be frank, you don't need to be wasting your mind-space on this drama; especially not now when you have other priorities to deal with - such as moving house and getting your family settled in your new home. So it is perfectly fine and reasonable to shelve the problem till you have the mental resources to resolve it. Given your present constraints if you reason that the problem cannot be resolved at this point - no point spending time and energy trying to, especially when you have other far more important claims on your time and energy.

    So at this juncture I recommend a cuddle-n-smooch-fest with Elena and Dora.

  7. I never would have expected the phrase "cuddle-n-smooch-fest" to come from Kapitalist....;)

  8. ^^ *said through clenched teeth* - Jarred, SHUT UP!!

  9. ^^ Aw, come on! You know you've missed me heckling you. You've sure been trying to provoke me long enough. ;)


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